Straddling

Hey there amazing soul, welcome back!

Recently, an Instagram post had me reminiscing about how my horse-riding days, turned out to be the unintentional training for what I now fondly call my "stupid spiritual days" of managing life – one foot in the world, the other in the Kingdom. I can't help but chuckle at the idea that I once thought that balancing my spiritual life was as easy as balancing on a horse.

As a youth, being cool was everything. Christians seemed to miss out on the fun, while the popular ones spelled trouble. Associating with them risked losing friendship circles faster than you can say "saddle." So, what's a youth to do? Striking a balance, of course! I became the maestro of balance, straddling two worlds just enough to keep everyone happy, even my folks. Yep, I was the tightrope walker testing the worldly waters without losing sight of God (I even got saved somewhere along that season. Now when I reflect, it feels like it was God's way of ensuring I belonged to Him, no matter what lies the enemy threw my way.)

I rode this balancing act well into adulthood, even as a mom. I aspired to be a 'flexible' parent, seamlessly enjoying both secular and faith-based entertainment. For example, I thought I could party on Saturday and miraculously be a church hero on Sunday. I even threw in extra works of mercy – because who says you can't do good deeds with a little party glitter still on you? Later, the party HQ moved to Fridays to allow for a spiritual detox before the holy day.

Looking back, I realize it was rejection I feared.

Rejection seeped into my social circles, creating two distinct categories: the worldly gang and the spiritual squad. In both groups, it got some folks questioning my affiliation (Matthew 7:20). I jokingly called these two buckets "folders" in my brain – we'd pull out the files as needed. But oh, was it exhausting! Balancing both worlds became like trying to ride a unicycle on a tightrope – entertaining at first, then just plain tiring. I had more friends in the worldly box, and let me tell you, they were a riot! Fun times, but also enough heartache to write a country song about. Interestingly, my spiritual friends stuck around. I'm not sure if they had a secret spreadsheet tracking my double standard, but God bless them for sticking with me and praying for my enlightenment.

Then came the unexpected plot twist in a string of independent rejection appearances: loss of a job/income, marriage, home, business, friends, and Covid – a real-life Dickensian tale of "the best of times, the worst of times." The 'fun-time' parties came to a screeching halt, relationships dissipated, mental breakdown ensued, church activities went on pause, family ties were tested.

When I caught the virus, I was initially annoyed at the timing, thinking I might be saying an early goodbye just when life was picking up. But the thought of facing eternity, potentially in the wrong direction, woke me up more than once during those feverish moments.

And honestly, I was just plain tired of the whole two-sided-life charade before God. I'll be the first to admit, I hadn't been the poster child for Jesus-like behavior.

So, I made a choice – no more exhausting straddling.

In the wise words of Paul in Timothy 4: 15-16, I had flunked the "be diligent in these matters" class. I figured since I'd already given the wider path a whirl, (the one Jesus talks about in Matthew 7:13-20), why not ask the Lord to take me back and I go 'all-in' on the narrow one? I'm humbled that Jesus even considered taking me back into the fold.

It's been some years since I last straddled and got 'nafasi nyingine (Swahili for 'another chance'). Believe me, it hasn't been an overnight transformation. Yes, I lost a few dear people and things along the way. The path indeed got narrow - the ridicule came, the rejection increased, and the cynicism continues to this day.

But oh, the peace and joy I found in the Lord! God took what I thought was worldly fun and upgraded it to kingdom fun – His version of the very things I was chasing. It's like discovering a whole new world, and let me tell you, it's nothing compared to what I thought I had before. The Songtimony playlist is one such example.

Now, let me throw out a special shout-out to my cool cats, the youth, and especially my own offspring. Learn from my acrobatic attempts at straddling – it's not a graceful dance move. Don't attempt the impossible. Trust me; trying to have your feet in both camps is like wearing mismatched socks – it might seem quirky, but it's not a good look.

Instead, do yourself a favor and seek God for the ultimate GPS found in His Word to help you saddle up for the kingdom path, with influencers, role models, and friendships to help you align. I get it – the world is all shiny and tempting, like a candy store for your curiosity. You will even trip and tumble a few times (btw, been there, done that, got the spiritual bruises). But here's the tea: bounce back up, dust off those spiritual shoulders, and choose God’s side of the playground. There's this song that goes, "A saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up."

Now, to those of you I might've confused or offended or got a bit roughed up by my straddling shenanigans, I owe you a big, sincere apology – "guilty as charged!" Yep, that was me, and I am sorry.

Here's to a journey of progress, perseverance, and a whole lot of grace!

Stay tuned, stay blessed!

Harmoniously yours!

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What songs have helped you open eyes to spiritual realities that should be on everyone's playlist?

Please share in the comments below.

We will also add it to the Songtimony Playlist on Spotify for everyone to be blessed!